I feel like since her death, I have been experiencing a little denial and have blocked a lot of feelings by building walls around my heart. (something I've learned to do over the years quite too frequently) Now that Christmas is here, her favorite time of the year, I am starting to really realize that she's gone. It doesn't seem real. I don't even know if I can emotionally address all that I feel right now about that...
The law enforcement community just lost a local officer and that has had me thinking so much about how it could be Mike at anytime. Joseph Antwine was a deputy for FCSO and just recently graduated the police academy. In response to another officer who needed backup, he crashed his car on the way. I've heard a lot of people saying and read commenters on social media sites saying things like "Well he shouldn't have been going so fast," and "officers should get in trouble for going so fast." It really angers me to hear this. Wrecks are going to happen, but if another officer calls for backup, you bust your ass to get there. THEY could be the ones that end of dead, and then these people saying all that would be preaching about backup not arriving when they should.
Most people don't realize that in an area like a county, like Florence, there are not very many deputies working per shift. I am not positive of the numbers but I heard FCSO only has 4-5 deputies working at a time. Think about how big Florence County is. If officers had been responding to a call close to Timmonsville, and backup is needed near the paper mill, think about how long it takes to get there. Of course you are going to speed to get there! In the county I live in, Marion, there are only 3 deputies working per shift, and that is if they are fully staffed. Mike is lucky in that he works for a smaller town department and backup can get their quick. However, I know there have been occasions when he probably had to drive fast to get to another officer who needed backup. Does it scare me? Yes, of course, but that is part of the job. I wish people could live in a law enforcement family for just a few weeks. They would quickly change their tune on how they feel about many issues regarding cops and their practices. The past four year have definitely been game changers for me! So many things have been brought to my attention that I never knew.
The past few years, Mike and I have really figured out that you can't trust many people, and we've found out who some of our real friends are.
People don't seem to realize that I don't live a normal schedule. Sometimes our weekend is Wed. and Thurs. because Mike is working his long week. When he's on night shift, we see each other in passing and I really am a single parent. Some days it really sucks, and I know I bitch a lot about it to him, but the truth is, we signed up for this together. This is his dream, and I will always be behind him 100%. He has been called to duty so to speak, and is an awesome officer. I've seen him grow so much in the past four years and love when he is passionate about an issue or something related to law enforcement. I can see that he loves it. So many of us have a hard time finding what our calling is and what really makes us happy career-wise, me included, so he's really lucky! Sometimes the holidays are lonely, and I miss having a regular schedule for the kids, but I know he is out there protecting and doing what someone has to do to keep us all safe.
The criticism of LEOs is sometimes more than I can bare. And yes I take it personal when another officer is being criticized and held under a microscope, because it could be my LEO at anytime. So many cops get accused of things that they didn't do just because someone wants to get out of a charge or in a recent case, get some media attention. It is very scary that at anytime an officer can be accused of something just because someone got mad for getting locked up or pulled over. The saying "Innocent until proven guilty" really doesn't apply to LEOs. They get treated like shit until proven innocent, and even then it is usually not let out to the public that their name was cleared. Their families feel the brunt of it, and their name will always be associated with whatever the issue was about. The deputy accused of being racist is such a load of crap. I am 99 percent sure he is going to be cleared, but the media will never talk about it if he is. Instead, these people have made a national issue over it. I can hardly believe that it has made national news. His wife and family have to deal with this everyday. All this officer did was do his job. Looking into the two that accused him, I've discovered that they aren't exactly the brightest blubs on the tree. They started a foundation to talk about how racist law enforcement is, but all their videos and links they put on it have no substantial points or facts to back anything up, with the exception of maybe one. In fact, many of them show just how crazy some people are to just throw the race card out there. I don't doubt there are racist cops out there. I know that there are, but this incident was not that at all and it angers me that these people are getting the attention that they are. NYPD has had several issues of racial profiling come up that are real and unjust. However, this issue is not that. If you are reading this, please do your research. Don't blindly believe. Not all officers are ignorant racists. I would go as far as to say that this job probably makes them less likely to judge based on skin color due to the fact that they see crime committed by all races, level of wealth, genders, sexual preferences, etc... They see the bad happen by everyone. That's all I will say about that.
I have so much more I want to get off my chest, but I'll save it for another time.
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