It seems as if the world is turning into a mosh pit of pill addicts. So many of my friends and people I know are having to deal with this epidemic in their own families. It has become a widespread problem.
I never thought I would have to deal with it with loved ones, but I have. It is so hard to accept. So how do we deal with it? Who's fault is it? Why do these people decide to torture their loved ones with their addiction issues? How do we cope? Who do you blame?
Most people want to blame doctors for starting the addict on the pills. I, however, don't believe that. Maybe it helps with access to the drug in the beginning, but if you have family and people that you care about, why do you let yourself slip in this downward spiral? How do you go from being so involved with family and life to the exact opposite?
I know NA, and Al Anon teach that its a disease, and I believe that, but I think I am just in a stage of this process that I am not willing to accept that fate. No disease should overpower love.
You want to know what I've learned about this so called disease in the past few years? I'll tell you the reality of it:
-Addicts are liars. They say whatever they have to, to take the attention off their addiction. So I've learned to not trust anything the addict has to say. The trust thing is perhaps the hardest part of all of this.
-Addicts are hurtful. They say hurtful things to go back to the above.... attention off of them. They will rip your heart out with their words and not think about the consequences. It took me a long time to realize that it's the drug talking, not them. However, it is still so hard to stomach. I've gotten a tough skin over the past few years because of that.
-Addicts associate with people that could cause harm to them and other members of the family. They do this to support their habit. It is their way to get access to their drug. I've seen some sketchy people around the addicts I know. I've seen people they would have never have previously associated with. The addicts have also put other family members in situations where they are around these people. This is perhaps one of the scariest parts of this problem because in my situation children have been around.
-Addicts are horrible with money. THIS is their lifeline. This is what helps them get their drug. They tend to forget about bills being paid, let things go around the house, and seem to be broke all the time. Someone who used to never worry about money, suddenly becomes worried about it all the time.
-Addicts neglect their appearance. They stop taking care of themselves like they used too. The once elegantly make-uped face or the nicely pressed pants cease to exist. It even applies to their home. It becomes a mess, just like the appearance.
-Addicts have legal troubles. The ones I know, and several of ones I've heard of at some time or another get busted. Sometimes this is a good thing because it forces them to think about their consequences and jump start detox. However, the legal battles are something else that will burden the rest of the family.
-Addicts are selfish. Their whole day is centered around their pill addiction, so they will make their plans on their terms. Usually they begin to disassociate with most people so they don't have to worry about making too many plans. Close family members are the ones most affected by this because they still want to be around the addicts, regardless of their addiction.
-Addicts will relapse. I read somewhere that 90 percent of pill addicts will relapse at some point or another. I didn't believe it would happen to the addicts I knew. But it has. The drug controls their life.
I am trying so hard to educate myself on pill addiction and trying to understand, but my anger keeps trying to overtake my logic. I joined some message boards and told my story. Someone commented that I had to set boundaries, especially with my children being around. They made it sound so black and white--just tell them they can't see the children, but how do you tell your children they can't see these people that they love? How do you make them understand? How do you not yell and scream and fight with these people so that they understand they aren't just hurting themselves, they are hurting the ones that love them the most?
I haven't confronted my newly relapsed addicts yet. I didn't want to during the holidays and I really don't want to right now because we have been getting along. I keep wanting to get my hands on solid proof, but in the end does that matter? They are going to deny it either way. My gut tells me I'm right, and I can't let my children's' lives be poisoned because of their "disease." I hate that word. It should be called selfishness.
So what's my plan of action? I don't know. My husband keeps asking me, but I really don't know. I am trying to read up on relapsed addicts, and I really want to find a support group that is local. I know I am going to have to set some boundaries soon. I don't really know what I am waiting for. I guess a solid sign that I know they are back on pills. My gut tells me that I am right, but my heart is still in denial.
For those of you out their dealing with an addict, my heart is heavy with you right now. I know the torture and pain. I know the anger. Let's try not to let it consume us.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. ~Buddha
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