It seems as if the world is turning into a mosh pit of pill addicts. So many of my friends and people I know are having to deal with this epidemic in their own families. It has become a widespread problem.
I never thought I would have to deal with it with loved ones, but I have. It is so hard to accept. So how do we deal with it? Who's fault is it? Why do these people decide to torture their loved ones with their addiction issues? How do we cope? Who do you blame?
Most people want to blame doctors for starting the addict on the pills. I, however, don't believe that. Maybe it helps with access to the drug in the beginning, but if you have family and people that you care about, why do you let yourself slip in this downward spiral? How do you go from being so involved with family and life to the exact opposite?
I know NA, and Al Anon teach that its a disease, and I believe that, but I think I am just in a stage of this process that I am not willing to accept that fate. No disease should overpower love.
You want to know what I've learned about this so called disease in the past few years? I'll tell you the reality of it:
-Addicts are liars. They say whatever they have to, to take the attention off their addiction. So I've learned to not trust anything the addict has to say. The trust thing is perhaps the hardest part of all of this.
-Addicts are hurtful. They say hurtful things to go back to the above.... attention off of them. They will rip your heart out with their words and not think about the consequences. It took me a long time to realize that it's the drug talking, not them. However, it is still so hard to stomach. I've gotten a tough skin over the past few years because of that.
-Addicts associate with people that could cause harm to them and other members of the family. They do this to support their habit. It is their way to get access to their drug. I've seen some sketchy people around the addicts I know. I've seen people they would have never have previously associated with. The addicts have also put other family members in situations where they are around these people. This is perhaps one of the scariest parts of this problem because in my situation children have been around.
-Addicts are horrible with money. THIS is their lifeline. This is what helps them get their drug. They tend to forget about bills being paid, let things go around the house, and seem to be broke all the time. Someone who used to never worry about money, suddenly becomes worried about it all the time.
-Addicts neglect their appearance. They stop taking care of themselves like they used too. The once elegantly make-uped face or the nicely pressed pants cease to exist. It even applies to their home. It becomes a mess, just like the appearance.
-Addicts have legal troubles. The ones I know, and several of ones I've heard of at some time or another get busted. Sometimes this is a good thing because it forces them to think about their consequences and jump start detox. However, the legal battles are something else that will burden the rest of the family.
-Addicts are selfish. Their whole day is centered around their pill addiction, so they will make their plans on their terms. Usually they begin to disassociate with most people so they don't have to worry about making too many plans. Close family members are the ones most affected by this because they still want to be around the addicts, regardless of their addiction.
-Addicts will relapse. I read somewhere that 90 percent of pill addicts will relapse at some point or another. I didn't believe it would happen to the addicts I knew. But it has. The drug controls their life.
I am trying so hard to educate myself on pill addiction and trying to understand, but my anger keeps trying to overtake my logic. I joined some message boards and told my story. Someone commented that I had to set boundaries, especially with my children being around. They made it sound so black and white--just tell them they can't see the children, but how do you tell your children they can't see these people that they love? How do you make them understand? How do you not yell and scream and fight with these people so that they understand they aren't just hurting themselves, they are hurting the ones that love them the most?
I haven't confronted my newly relapsed addicts yet. I didn't want to during the holidays and I really don't want to right now because we have been getting along. I keep wanting to get my hands on solid proof, but in the end does that matter? They are going to deny it either way. My gut tells me I'm right, and I can't let my children's' lives be poisoned because of their "disease." I hate that word. It should be called selfishness.
So what's my plan of action? I don't know. My husband keeps asking me, but I really don't know. I am trying to read up on relapsed addicts, and I really want to find a support group that is local. I know I am going to have to set some boundaries soon. I don't really know what I am waiting for. I guess a solid sign that I know they are back on pills. My gut tells me that I am right, but my heart is still in denial.
For those of you out their dealing with an addict, my heart is heavy with you right now. I know the torture and pain. I know the anger. Let's try not to let it consume us.
You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. ~Buddha
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
It's Been Awhile...
Well it has been a little while since I blogged, but tonight I feel I have so much on my chest! I don't even know where to start. I'm happy and stressed the holidays are upon us, but feel so sorry for some of the families that have lost loved ones this year that will be spending their first Christmas without them. I, myself, will be spending my first Christmas without my Grandma Shelby.
I feel like since her death, I have been experiencing a little denial and have blocked a lot of feelings by building walls around my heart. (something I've learned to do over the years quite too frequently) Now that Christmas is here, her favorite time of the year, I am starting to really realize that she's gone. It doesn't seem real. I don't even know if I can emotionally address all that I feel right now about that...
The law enforcement community just lost a local officer and that has had me thinking so much about how it could be Mike at anytime. Joseph Antwine was a deputy for FCSO and just recently graduated the police academy. In response to another officer who needed backup, he crashed his car on the way. I've heard a lot of people saying and read commenters on social media sites saying things like "Well he shouldn't have been going so fast," and "officers should get in trouble for going so fast." It really angers me to hear this. Wrecks are going to happen, but if another officer calls for backup, you bust your ass to get there. THEY could be the ones that end of dead, and then these people saying all that would be preaching about backup not arriving when they should.
Most people don't realize that in an area like a county, like Florence, there are not very many deputies working per shift. I am not positive of the numbers but I heard FCSO only has 4-5 deputies working at a time. Think about how big Florence County is. If officers had been responding to a call close to Timmonsville, and backup is needed near the paper mill, think about how long it takes to get there. Of course you are going to speed to get there! In the county I live in, Marion, there are only 3 deputies working per shift, and that is if they are fully staffed. Mike is lucky in that he works for a smaller town department and backup can get their quick. However, I know there have been occasions when he probably had to drive fast to get to another officer who needed backup. Does it scare me? Yes, of course, but that is part of the job. I wish people could live in a law enforcement family for just a few weeks. They would quickly change their tune on how they feel about many issues regarding cops and their practices. The past four year have definitely been game changers for me! So many things have been brought to my attention that I never knew.
The past few years, Mike and I have really figured out that you can't trust many people, and we've found out who some of our real friends are.
People don't seem to realize that I don't live a normal schedule. Sometimes our weekend is Wed. and Thurs. because Mike is working his long week. When he's on night shift, we see each other in passing and I really am a single parent. Some days it really sucks, and I know I bitch a lot about it to him, but the truth is, we signed up for this together. This is his dream, and I will always be behind him 100%. He has been called to duty so to speak, and is an awesome officer. I've seen him grow so much in the past four years and love when he is passionate about an issue or something related to law enforcement. I can see that he loves it. So many of us have a hard time finding what our calling is and what really makes us happy career-wise, me included, so he's really lucky! Sometimes the holidays are lonely, and I miss having a regular schedule for the kids, but I know he is out there protecting and doing what someone has to do to keep us all safe.
The criticism of LEOs is sometimes more than I can bare. And yes I take it personal when another officer is being criticized and held under a microscope, because it could be my LEO at anytime. So many cops get accused of things that they didn't do just because someone wants to get out of a charge or in a recent case, get some media attention. It is very scary that at anytime an officer can be accused of something just because someone got mad for getting locked up or pulled over. The saying "Innocent until proven guilty" really doesn't apply to LEOs. They get treated like shit until proven innocent, and even then it is usually not let out to the public that their name was cleared. Their families feel the brunt of it, and their name will always be associated with whatever the issue was about. The deputy accused of being racist is such a load of crap. I am 99 percent sure he is going to be cleared, but the media will never talk about it if he is. Instead, these people have made a national issue over it. I can hardly believe that it has made national news. His wife and family have to deal with this everyday. All this officer did was do his job. Looking into the two that accused him, I've discovered that they aren't exactly the brightest blubs on the tree. They started a foundation to talk about how racist law enforcement is, but all their videos and links they put on it have no substantial points or facts to back anything up, with the exception of maybe one. In fact, many of them show just how crazy some people are to just throw the race card out there. I don't doubt there are racist cops out there. I know that there are, but this incident was not that at all and it angers me that these people are getting the attention that they are. NYPD has had several issues of racial profiling come up that are real and unjust. However, this issue is not that. If you are reading this, please do your research. Don't blindly believe. Not all officers are ignorant racists. I would go as far as to say that this job probably makes them less likely to judge based on skin color due to the fact that they see crime committed by all races, level of wealth, genders, sexual preferences, etc... They see the bad happen by everyone. That's all I will say about that.
I have so much more I want to get off my chest, but I'll save it for another time.
I feel like since her death, I have been experiencing a little denial and have blocked a lot of feelings by building walls around my heart. (something I've learned to do over the years quite too frequently) Now that Christmas is here, her favorite time of the year, I am starting to really realize that she's gone. It doesn't seem real. I don't even know if I can emotionally address all that I feel right now about that...
The law enforcement community just lost a local officer and that has had me thinking so much about how it could be Mike at anytime. Joseph Antwine was a deputy for FCSO and just recently graduated the police academy. In response to another officer who needed backup, he crashed his car on the way. I've heard a lot of people saying and read commenters on social media sites saying things like "Well he shouldn't have been going so fast," and "officers should get in trouble for going so fast." It really angers me to hear this. Wrecks are going to happen, but if another officer calls for backup, you bust your ass to get there. THEY could be the ones that end of dead, and then these people saying all that would be preaching about backup not arriving when they should.
Most people don't realize that in an area like a county, like Florence, there are not very many deputies working per shift. I am not positive of the numbers but I heard FCSO only has 4-5 deputies working at a time. Think about how big Florence County is. If officers had been responding to a call close to Timmonsville, and backup is needed near the paper mill, think about how long it takes to get there. Of course you are going to speed to get there! In the county I live in, Marion, there are only 3 deputies working per shift, and that is if they are fully staffed. Mike is lucky in that he works for a smaller town department and backup can get their quick. However, I know there have been occasions when he probably had to drive fast to get to another officer who needed backup. Does it scare me? Yes, of course, but that is part of the job. I wish people could live in a law enforcement family for just a few weeks. They would quickly change their tune on how they feel about many issues regarding cops and their practices. The past four year have definitely been game changers for me! So many things have been brought to my attention that I never knew.
The past few years, Mike and I have really figured out that you can't trust many people, and we've found out who some of our real friends are.
People don't seem to realize that I don't live a normal schedule. Sometimes our weekend is Wed. and Thurs. because Mike is working his long week. When he's on night shift, we see each other in passing and I really am a single parent. Some days it really sucks, and I know I bitch a lot about it to him, but the truth is, we signed up for this together. This is his dream, and I will always be behind him 100%. He has been called to duty so to speak, and is an awesome officer. I've seen him grow so much in the past four years and love when he is passionate about an issue or something related to law enforcement. I can see that he loves it. So many of us have a hard time finding what our calling is and what really makes us happy career-wise, me included, so he's really lucky! Sometimes the holidays are lonely, and I miss having a regular schedule for the kids, but I know he is out there protecting and doing what someone has to do to keep us all safe.
The criticism of LEOs is sometimes more than I can bare. And yes I take it personal when another officer is being criticized and held under a microscope, because it could be my LEO at anytime. So many cops get accused of things that they didn't do just because someone wants to get out of a charge or in a recent case, get some media attention. It is very scary that at anytime an officer can be accused of something just because someone got mad for getting locked up or pulled over. The saying "Innocent until proven guilty" really doesn't apply to LEOs. They get treated like shit until proven innocent, and even then it is usually not let out to the public that their name was cleared. Their families feel the brunt of it, and their name will always be associated with whatever the issue was about. The deputy accused of being racist is such a load of crap. I am 99 percent sure he is going to be cleared, but the media will never talk about it if he is. Instead, these people have made a national issue over it. I can hardly believe that it has made national news. His wife and family have to deal with this everyday. All this officer did was do his job. Looking into the two that accused him, I've discovered that they aren't exactly the brightest blubs on the tree. They started a foundation to talk about how racist law enforcement is, but all their videos and links they put on it have no substantial points or facts to back anything up, with the exception of maybe one. In fact, many of them show just how crazy some people are to just throw the race card out there. I don't doubt there are racist cops out there. I know that there are, but this incident was not that at all and it angers me that these people are getting the attention that they are. NYPD has had several issues of racial profiling come up that are real and unjust. However, this issue is not that. If you are reading this, please do your research. Don't blindly believe. Not all officers are ignorant racists. I would go as far as to say that this job probably makes them less likely to judge based on skin color due to the fact that they see crime committed by all races, level of wealth, genders, sexual preferences, etc... They see the bad happen by everyone. That's all I will say about that.
I have so much more I want to get off my chest, but I'll save it for another time.
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